Make Me a Bicycle, Clown

I can't tell if it’s because I'm in a bad mood, or because I'm “friends” with too many people I don't really care to keep in touch with on Facebook, but this morning I was scrolling through my news feed, and about 8 out of every 10 statuses I thought, “I don't care”. Maybe I'm just “friends” with boring people on Facebook. I'm certainly not claiming to be the most interesting person alive, but I typically at least try to post something entertaining. Like when I posted a status of a 100% unexaggerated story of the time a foot-long cockroach tried to eat me alive at the mall. People were very interested in that. I know it’s actually just that they're interested in other people’s near death experiences (even if it’s something as dull as an apartment fire or an accidental drug overdose), but I'll take it.  

So step your status game up, Facebook "friends". I am in constant need of entertainment, and for some reason I’m depending on you. I'm not suggesting you risk your life to provide me with an interesting update; Lord only knows I wasn't expecting to run into a mutant cockroach that faithful day in the mall – but please, we can do better than, “Working all day”, or the lyrics of an ENTIRE song that apparently just NAIL it when it comes to describing your life right now. No one cares. Well, maybe someone does, but not me, and that’s what the focus is here today.

For your reference, here’s the status that described my run-in with the life-threatening, man-eating, foot long cockroach/monster at the mall:

April 10^th, 2013:

“Narrowly escaped with my life walking through ballston mall to get to the metro this morning. I was charged and almost violently attacked by a cockroach the size of my FOREARM. Luckily my jumping skills are still top-notch and I avoided it by jumping backwards 23 feet, and then running in a wide-arc around it to the escalators. It was like a troll guarding a bridge, except it was a violent cockroach guarding the escalators in the mall. It was a close one...”